Maybe: A List of Things that May Have Happened Today

On any given day around here:

  • A starling might meow like a forlorn Tomcat
  • A mouse may escape the jaws of Sofiya (she’s a duck)
  • A muscovy named Bernadette may vivaciously practice diving
  • A duck named Dot-Dot (named so for the way my late Thai boyfriend pronounced Dodge Dart) may use a piece of metal as a slide
  • A some twelve-inch duck penis may prolapse and require a sugar water poultice and bandages
  • I will step in shit
  • Shit will splash into my eye
  • Something stinks
  • Someone needs medical attention (other than a bandaged penis)
  • Someone has barfed next to the front door
  • I have jumped at the sight of dust bunnies of dog fur
  • A sparrow is floating in either the duck water or the koi pond and must be removed
  • I have rudely interrupted vegetables during coitus
  • Louise (a duck) needs landing gear for her bum-bum even though she cannot fly
  • A fly named Hitler will appear wherever I am and buzz and annoy and land on me or my friends and wipe his shitty stache with his shitty fly feet and then wipe his shitty stachy shit on us (this is after he has been killed and been reborn again)
  • Hitler will six-legged fly jog around the rim of my coffee mug fifty-thousand times and he cannot be stopped
  • I hope Hitler commits suicide
  • I will have excuses not to write a damn word anywhere about anything

O, and…

  • Freddie has an overbite (and it’s part of his success)

Some of these things have happened today. Can you guess which ones?

Have fun.

Freddie has an overbite. I hear this helps him honk a range virtually unattainable by most ganders.
Freddie has an overbite. I hear this helps him honk a range virtually unattainable by most ganders.
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